Always

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts! I love that.

This has been on my mind a lot lately because, as a Christian, I know that God is there even when I don't feel him, and I can see the effects. But I began to realize that the kind of encounters with God that some people talk about I hadn't experienced, and had assumed only the 'elite' did...great men and theologians and people dramatically converted. So I started praying for it and yearning for it.

I was listening to Paul Washer (he is wonderful and his speaking has so impacted me!) who was talking about searching for God's presence. He was out in the desert like a wild man when he was young, literally throwing rocks at the sky and screaming for him to come - but he didn't.

And then one day when he was home again and praying, God did come, and he though he would die. But then he felt like his son feels when he has to go on a trip - "Daddy don't go...I go with Daddy" - and he said don't go.
He talked about a lot of things that helped too (a lot). It was challenging! But I was so thankful and it made me boldly say I want your presence.
I don't know how to explain that desire, nor how his Presence is different from just praying or knowing he's there in the beauty of a mountain or in a painful time. But it is, and I think we are missing it! We pray and don't listen, don't linger, don't say Don't let me go. And I still wait.
I want to be with Him constantly. And He will come.

with love,
Cait