Thursday, 24 June 2010

young we are

this picture has nothing to do with this post; I'm just happy the three of us are in the same country for a few weeks.

Have you ever been lectured?
I know we all have, but a few weeks ago I got a good taste of what I could expect from a lot of people but which has been gratefully restrained.
[You should expect things like this when you do anything atypical.]
We were at a church where my father was guest-preaching, and I'd arrived late because of a Requiem dress rehearsal (it was a lovely experience, by the way). A man whom my family knows and respects, but whom I myself had never met, interrupted my conversation with my sister with a blank stare.
When we noticed he was standing near us, we paused and looked over, and he asked if I was the one getting married. I answered and he exclaimed "Too young! Too young! Too young!"
followed by another disbelieving stare.

What I want to say is that in the course of the following ten minute lecture from someone I didn't know, many things ran through my mind. True, it wasn't his business, and true, it was a false cultural presumption, and true, I wasn't at all interested in chasing other ambitions - I need none higher.
But I couldn't argue, because he was as convinced as I was, and I didn't want to disrespect him. Thus I could do nothing more than smile and try to express my joy and conviction (while next to me, my dear sister broiled inside) and thank him for his concern. My business is to, hopefully, represent myself and Joel and God's word as best as possible, and leave it at that. I can't argue, even if I wanted to, and the desire was gone.

I can laugh about it because it didn't upset me and was so bizarre an event. I'm grateful that it hasn't occurred more frequently - we've been blessed with the rejoicing of our friends at church. I do wish, for his sake, that he knew that there are more far-reaching things than independence and individualism and 'experience' before you settle down.

When relating the story to friends later, one father said "Why is it that today people can stare and accuse and ask you to your face why your wife didn't have a career first, or why you would ever consider homeschooling, or why you were so irresponsible as to have that many kids, and it would be seen as completely appalling for us to ask 'How were you so selfish to wait so long to have children?' and the myriad of other questions that would be biblically grounded?"

It is frustrating to be minorities sometimes, but what I want far more is for people to see truth and to obey, and to experience the same blessings that they miss out on - not for them to be just like us.


p.s. expect an indefinite but finite hiatus sometime soon, announced or unannounced. I need a blog-free timezone in order to be super productive!
(not that I'm the world's most regular or engaging poster anyway)


LeAnna said...

Oohhhhhh, I totally agree! It is SO taboo to ask them those questions because they would be oh-so offended, and yet they are quick to question the biblically based decisions. Interesting how that works, but I think if we looked back through scripture we could see that mentality was present even then. You handled yourself well, and I would have been the boiling sister at your side, haha! But, I've been in those situations before too, and you just have to smile and with great conviction tell them why you are perfectly happy and content with your decisions. They'll see one day. :)
Cute picture of you three girls! Sniff that sweet babies head when you get to hold it, (that's my favorite part!) and enjoy your hiatus. You've got a lot on your plate! (still want to e-mail you, can you send me your email address again??)

Kara said...

Cait, don't take this wrong at all... Because thought it's a lifestyle I personally don't understand, I completely respect your choices with getting marrying and starting a family. I think it's an honorable thing and I think that man stepped WAY over the line in saying that to you.

But, I would never ever go as far to say that I am inherently selfish because I have chosen to be a "career woman" and not have a husband nor children for many, MANY years.

I do not see how it is SELFISH of me to wait to have children. God has not put me in a position or relationship to have children. Nor am I in any way, close to being able to stay at home. Financially, that's not even an option.

I just don't believe having babies and a family is the point of life. The point of life is to glorify God...

Though my relationship with God has never been peachykeen(which is my end, not his), I really believe that God has given the talent and convictions to pursue a life as a career woman. At least for the next several years.

Even Paul spoke against getting married and I wouldn't go as far to say that he was selfish. He cultivated a family in the church and served God. And that is "good enough"(whatever that means).

I just ask if that if you are dissapointed in other people who judge your choices, don't judge others... And though we may be missing out on your "blessings", you are missing out on some ours. It goes both ways...

Anyhow. Just my Christian feminist two cents.

Sara said...

I am sure your father is so proud of you! I LOVE how you reacted. Very composed and well mannered! I can't imagine how your wedding dress looks like yet..

My mum's wedding dress had long sleeves and a long, long train!

Lostariel said...

I've given you a very stylish award that you completely deserve. :) See my blog.

Tracy said...

Well written, Cait. I'm surprised that you haven't received this kind of lecture more often, truthfully. I was married at 18, and received it all the time. Now, nearly 21 years later, I can honestly tell you that I wouldn't change a thing.